I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
