just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
