K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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