I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
