So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
