R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
