She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
