Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
