your room smells of hookers.
And success
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
