Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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