We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
