Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
