forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
