u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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