You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
