Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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