xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
