I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We left the knife in your bed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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