so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
