She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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