the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
