I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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