I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
