She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
