Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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