Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
