it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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