My room smells like vodka and shame
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
