You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
