There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
