Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
