You're completely useless in the revolution.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
As shirtless as possible
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
