Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
