He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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