so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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