Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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