paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
