I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
