my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
