i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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