if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
