it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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