He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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