One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
