U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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