I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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