I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
