he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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