it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
