After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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