don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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